Friday, December 4, 2009

Welcome Home

So it's officially been over 2 weeks since being home, and it's a different feeling this time around. It's not time to pack my bags, or say goodbyes.

I will begin my 3 year tour of selling souls and used cars as an Army Recruiter shortly. It's not exactly what I would have expected to be doing at this point in my life, but what can you do?

So I'm currently on the market as "single" these days, and I always find it fair to mark "divorced" on any applicable boxes. I'm sure that being honest is keeping me from meeting a certain brand of lady, but that's fine with me.

I'm working on closing on my Condominium this next week, which has been a worse endeavor than being blown up or shot at - hands down. Hopefully, I can get back into the swing of things afterwords, and actually build a life here in Cincinnati.

If anyone is looking for a drummer, a writer, or a personal trainer (and can work around my schedule) - shoot me an email!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Valentine Reflection

The hardest part about making mistakes isn't fixing them. It's forgiving yourself. It's the only thing you can control. As I control this, I hope the person in my heart can see that I am a good person. I haven't always done right, and I can't say that the future is looking any better. However, I know where this road leads. It's got you in my rear view mirror. But even then, I'm getting closer to you.

I don't plan on making this blog a personal outpouring of my emotions. Then again, these emotions are a rediscovery to me. For those of you who lost love, I hope it finds you once more. I know I'm on may way even if Google Maps can't find the destination.


Sunday, February 15, 2009

George W. Bush must take performance enhancing drugs.


Alex Rodriguez used performance enhancing drugs to aid him in his quest to be the absolute best, strongest, fastest baseball player around. Barry Bonds is being subpoenaed by the government over performance enhancing drugs. Performance enhancing drugs. Really? Who’s mad about this? Entertainment? Baseball? Little Johnny’s dad who wants a role model for his son?

I’m not. It’s your prerogative and opinion, and if we’re getting anal retentive about the whole ordeal then let’s hit it on the head. Slap the guys with a controlled substance charge, and get it over with. These guys aren’t criminals, they are entertainers.

Misconceptions? If you honestly think that performance enhancing drugs allow someone to not put forth the effort to achieve what these men have done in their careers, then you’re either ill-informed or worse, an idiot.

Do we look the other way when money is not involved? Do we excuse it when it’s a different playing field? There are thousands of men and women overseas defending our country. There’s rampant performance enhancing drug usage in Iraq and Afghanistan. Do we scrutinize a soldier for wanting to be the strongest and fastest; for wanting to be able to push farther and harder when defending the nation? Sure, it pops up in the news from time to time, but who is making a big deal about it? Nobody.

I don’t see any grand jury indictments or press conferences for Private First Class ‘Roids, who spends his afternoon in the gym. Private ‘Roids patrols out of a fire base at, Middle-of-nowhere, Afghanistan. He works out in a makeshift gym, and uses the one internet satellite connection to order performance enhancing drugs from an out of country distributor online.

Even overseas, the Department of Defense requires the armed forces to submit regular urinalysis information. Private ‘Roids just relieved himself in the little cup without so much of a bead of sweat on his brow. Why? Current urinalysis only tests for specific types of illegal substances, and guess what… performance enhancing drugs don’t fit the bill. Unless there are specific allegations of a soldier openly using performance enhancing drugs, he or she will not be tested for them. The reason? Cost. Soldiers are not important enough to be tested, but if you’re a millionaire sports star, prepare to be on the front page of the Times.

The opinion of these drugs overseas is night and day. If a soldier acquires marijuana overseas from the locals and gets caught, game over. He’s then labeled as untrustworthy, stripped of rank and pay, and will never be seen as responsible. However, if a soldier acquires performance enhancing drugs and is caught with them, he will be seen as “that guy” who was irresponsible and got caught. Leaders will do the mandatory minimum punishment, and no one has a lesser opinion of him beyond that.

Do we continue to look the other way? They need to be treated as equal, or match the legality to the morals. We know cigarettes and alcohol are bad for us, and yet people will still smoke and consume alcohol. No one is chanting for the second prohibition or outlawing the pack of smokes.

I personally spend a fat dollar on supplements to ensure my body has the best possible workout while I’m in the gym. It would be cost effective for me to cave in and have performance enhancing drugs ordered, but for a chance that I may be in major league sports or hold a government office before my time expires – I’ll save myself the trouble.

For everyone else? Get over it.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Foreclosures: Buy responsibility at a low low price!

It's been a while since I've utilized this little space, but something caught me a little off guard this morning.

While driving back to my house from breakfast with my father, I noticed a beat up jeep in front of me. There was a mid to late twenty year old female driving, and she had some seriously long hair about her. The jeep itself was covered on the rear with many bumper stickers. One said.. "nObama."

I had a little chuckle.

The next one I saw was "Endless War" with the "less" crossed out and replaced to look like "End This War."And I thinks to myself, "Self, take a look at this girl. What's the deal?"

I can tell she's dealt with so much hardship and sacrifice in her life just by looking at her. Please, go pay six dollars for your coffee, and let the people who give a shit about what's really going on make the difference.

I don't have much money, I'm young, and I've been through a divorce. What's that matter? I've still managed to get a couple loans even in this depression/recession. I've still managed to keep a good credit score. How? Because I'm responsible for myself. I don't spend money I don't plan on repaying in a timely fashion.

Try being responsible for yourself first, and then when you've got that handled - then you can blame the government and Bush/Obama. Until then, enjoy the bed you've made. I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that the government has to make a bailout to save the irresponsibility. It's really easy to point to the big corporations, and then blame them for the burdens plaguing the economy. But guess what, the government isn't just saving those corporations from their mistakes. It saves you. All the jobs lost in major corporations collapsing would flood the market with unemployment.

Indirectly, directly - it doesn't matter. You'll be adversely affected. You should be glad they are making the plans to save us from this fall.

Go ahead, cast the first stone. I hear glass houses are cheaper than brick this time of depression.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Dear Abby, wake me up when it's over

Dear Love,

Where are you? Can you please prove your existence? I'm worried that you've been missing in action for way too long. Santa Claus at least eats his cookies, and then trails tinsel up through the fireplace. Even the Easter Bunny leaves those cute little chocolate eggs for you to follow to an Easter Basket, and don't forget those oh so hard to find hardboiled eggs. The Tooth Fairy must being getting an awesome exchange rate from the voodoo witch doctors. Hell, at 25 cents/molar, even I'm making a killing!

Show Yourself!


Dear Tony,

You obviously are not looking hard enough. I'm in many places and I'll show you that your claims of me being gone are ill-founded:

I was with the bartender that broke down in tears as you left the restaurant this weekend. She was just worried for you, and wants to see you make it home safely from deployment.

I was with your mother as she cried to your father. She felt that she didn't spend enough time with you during your break, but she just wanted to see you happy; spending time with all your friends.

I was with your best friend as she beat herself up over a dilemma. Should she have kissed you or let you leave unnattached as she did. What's the right thing? She's in love with you, and you don't know it.

How about your niece and nephew? They wonder endlessly when their uncle is going to be out of the service. They want to know when Uncle T will be able to make soccer games and family dinners. They have no concept of time at their current age. They just see the absence of you, and they don't like it.

I was also with another friend of yours. Your selfishness left her hurting this weekend. No phone call, no message, not a single mean of communication was awarded to her from you. She is left feeling used and confused all because...

Ok, ok! How can you call it selfishness? I can't help that I'm simply looking for the same thing she is looking to find. I can't help that i don't feel the same way, care the same way, or believe in the same compatibility. I am in love too. Why can't I just win this time?

This is a dangerous game you play...

But it's not a fucking game!

Then be fair. You have to realize that the person you love rationalizes it just the way you do.

I see this, and I'm just considering that maybe I'm not fit to accept it.

Passing denial is just looking at yourself and being honest.

I'm not in denial, I just don't want to lose her.

Time is your soothing passage, and space is your weapon. Remaining friends is the easiest way to regress into your old feelings, and in most cases you will never fully lose those. So be true to yourself, and let go. Find whatever makes you tick, and embrace it.

I accept that I cannot control how someone else feels. I cannot break myself into being someone I'm not just to be loved.

Acceptance is truth. Build great relationships with your friends - be mature enough to accept that we're all human - and above all else, be alert. I'm still here, waiting to throw you into another mix of emotions; whether or not you're ready for it. You control when you hit rock bottom, and you control what effect these emotions have on you. Brace yourself. The rollercoasters just get bigger from here on out. And sometimes it just takes a little bit of looking into what you already have to make things work; to make you believe.



XOXO: Is Instant Replay good for the league?

What gives someone the ability to sit pale-faced, hunched over a computer during twilight hours - while writing the half-ass notes taken down mentally as these thoughts fly by two-thousand miles an hour? I'm in the MVP in whatever league that gets started there. I remember, on average, only one sentence per every five that run through this little brain of mine. Unless I happen to say them aloud to let my audio-memory do some work, most of the so-called genious I have goes right to the gutter. These are my own meandering thoughts, and they mean nothing.

It's cool out tonight. The chilled air streams softly by my neck as only the driver's side window is down. The car is off. Emotions are on, and I stare into these endlessly clear eyes even though it's dark. I parked backwards on the street for a reason. This time around the light from her porch was centered on her, and I was able to see, for the very first time, the nervousness of a missed signal, a botched first kiss. We then slide seamlessly into a joke about nose hairs to cover up our mistake. We both know. We both mentally accept that the next late rendezvous may prove a better time to break open.

It's always next time; that perfect moment when time stands still and a million sunsets are replayed over on the second when everything is perfectly golden. A moment so perfect that a re-do can never be an accepted substitute.

Playing connect the dots with the stars above, and you see a falling star. You hesitate just enough to know that approximately four million other people beat you to the punch on your wish. So then you wish to receive something you're afraid to have - just knowing you won't get it. At that exact time you go back to wishing that those same four million people were busy with other things - love, hate, late work, or even a blink of an eye. You get your wish. And suddenly your lips graze hers. Immediately your eyes jet open in surprise, and you realize what is happening. The eyes slowly close and you're back into your comfort zone. And love is the only thing connecting kiss to kiss - there's no air, time, space...

Suddenly your eyes open, not from a kiss - but you've dozed off with her laying on your shoulder, hair sprawled out casdcading in a perfect pattern. You give her the last hug of the night, and the nod that let's her know you'll be back soon enough.

Dream or not, it was good enough to last ages...

But then again - there's always next time...

I'm the King of New York

It's the calm nights that make me think about home again. A light breeze carries fall's leaves through the cool air. Somehow they have managed to cling desperately enough to see spring.

I sat outside on a clear evening just revisiting all the choices I've made in the last few years, and how it's become so different now than it was. The stars stayed the same, but we've changed around them.

The chatter of the helicopters on the airfield is another constant reminder of how my life's album has evolved.

It's the late nights and early mornings when you hear the ranges still firing as the sun has already went down and is creeping slowly back towards the horizon again.

The mix of fiery red and sapphire skies almost makes me forget how barren this place can be.

One day I'll find my Santa Fe, and Jack agrees.

Life Holdem'

I am holding the reciprocation of hearts,
and the will of diamonds.

But I'm getting beaten with 5 clubs.

So someone else dig down 6 feet with spades.

Because my heart is getting lied to, and my mind is too rational. I am too fair and caring to be bluffed.

I guess it's time to fold the royal family I was waiting for further down the river...